try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
