at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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