I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
