jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
