whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
