you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
