Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
