watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
