He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
