i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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