Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
