sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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