we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
