i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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