maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize