I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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