I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
