You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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