All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
