How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
