I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if only i could text you this smell
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
