Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
