i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
