I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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