Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
