i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
