is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
