I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
