The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
