we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
