In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
