so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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