covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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