Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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