I heard we made out
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
PANTIES FOUND
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
