when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
