in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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