If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
