You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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