someone owes me an orgasm
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
