I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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