he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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