I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
