great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
