Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just wanna soil my oats bro
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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