I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
