dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
