god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
