Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
