So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
