Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
