This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
