Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
