How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
