I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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