My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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