Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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