I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
