Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
