the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
