why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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