Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Is it because I queefed?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
