no, he came in my armpit
where am i from again
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
