FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
