Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found the puke drawer
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
