is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
