To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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