she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
