he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
