So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
