i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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