PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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