we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
