My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
