Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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